Tuesday, April 22, 2008

My lexicon


Just to make sure my fans understand me, I would like to discuss the lexicon I am more likely to be sticking to on this blog. Wherever applicable, I am providing a link to an example of the activity. As usual, Megauploads, Rapidshares, and other downloads of lesbian MILFs, hot wives, housewives, interracial facials an other viewing fun I am providing at the bottom of the post.


Sex without a condom or other protection. This includes BBBJ (bareback blow-job). In my experience, few women go down on men using a condom. And most cunnilingus by either gender is without protection. While a few swingers run ads extolling bareback sex, the majority of them insist on condoms for any penetration. Polys extol their lifestyle because being "in love" usually means going slow on sex and taking the time for testing. I know of polys who won't even date someone who's sexually promiscuous.

Bi-Curious/Bi-friendly: "Bi-Curious" usually refers to someone who would like to have some same-sex contact, but isn't primarily focused on it. There is so much pressure in swinging for the ladies to "play" together for their males's entertainment that most women list themselves as "bi-curious." A more appropriate term would be "bi-friendly," though this often means the woman is OK lying there while her opposite does the work, but who will not reciprocate. Bisexuality among male swingers is usually something that goes on under the radar ("on the down low" or "on the DL"). Most swing clubs will show the door to any males engaging in sex play because it risks sending the straight couples running for the exits.

Closed triad, quartet, etc.: In a "closed" relationship, the members pledge sexual and/or emotional fidelity to one another. Closure allows for "fluid bonding," which means bareback or no-condom sex.

Compersion: The theoretical opposite of jealousy. Pleasure or even emotional happiness arising from your spouse or lover having a relationship (purely sexual or even emotional) with someone else.

FemDom: A niche of hotwifery (see below) where the woman enjoys her sexuality at the expense of her. May include elements of BDSM, etc. The idea here is to flaunt her fucking others, not just that she has a hall pass.

FFM: A threesome where one woman is the "hinge" in the action. The male and the other woman usually don't play together, and if they do, it's usually secondary to the woman's interest in the hinge.

FMF: A female-male-female trio where the male is the "hinge" and both ladies. The women may or may not have sex or foreplay.

Full Swap: Just what the term implies: two (or more) couples exchanging partners for penetrative sex (see "soft swap" below).

Hall Pass: Permission from your spouse to "play out" without them.

Hotwife: A fetish where the woman flaunts her having sex with men other than her husband, often while he watches, but not necessarily. Hotwifery has its own websites and forums, with some fairly specific terminology, and sub-fetishes like "cuckoldry," where the man is ritually humiliated. The wife's lover is often referred to as the "bull," while the hapless husband is the "cuckold," "cuck," or even "wimp." In its most-extreme versions, the husband is not allowed to participate, but can only watch, and is sometimes even required to clean up after the bull has had his pleasure riding the wife bareback.

Intimate Network: A circle of friends who play together. Sexualizing friendships brings with it real risks, which is why swingers often prefer to play with strangers.

ISO: Insignificant Other. A poly term for a secondary sex partner or lover. Many polys dislike the term, insisting that all their partners and/or lovers get the same value and attention, though time management is a much-discussed problem in the polyamory community.

Lifestyle: Any alternative sexual niche. Swingers often refer to what they do as "the lifestyle," such as saying "we've been in the lifestyle for ten years."

LTR: Long Term Relationship. As opposed to LDR ("long distance relationship"). Often the goal of polys and some swingers.

MFM: One of the most-common trios where two men pleasure one woman but do not interact together sexually.

MMF: A male-male-female trio where the boys play with one another.

Monogamy: Usually understood to mean sexual and emotional fidelity within a couple or dyad, but increasingly stretched to include a variety of permutations. If a couple is going to swing clubs and engaging in oral sex with someone else, but not penetration, is that monogamy? If a couple has been swingers in the past, but currently is not seeing anyone else, are they monogamous?

NRE: New Relationship Energy. That feeling of euphoria we feel at the start of a new relationship that distorts reality and seems to turn life inside with out exciting possibilities, at least for a while. Related to ORE ("old relationship energy") that often arises when we work on a LTR or our primary bond. Swingers and other non-monogamists often report that sex or relationships with others revitalizes their existing marriage or relationship, either by super-charging their sex life or revaluing their current partner.

NSA: No Strings Attached. Swingers like to emphasize this as their goal.

On-premise vs. Off-premise: Due to varying legal requirements, some swinger or sex clubs do not allow sexual activity on-site. These clubs allows couples and singles to meet and then hook-up elsewhere (off-premise). On-premise clubs usually have a "safe" area where guests can dance, drink or socialize, and then a variety of rooms where sexual activity can occur.

Open Relationship/Marriage: When a couple or other grouping mutually agrees to see or have sex with people outside the relationship. The key here is honesty and informed consent.

Polyamory: The principle of having more than one lover simultaneously and out in the open. While polys often try to portray themselves as "different" or even "better" than swingers, the two worlds are really intersecting sets. There are variants like "polyfuckery" to denote those whose goal is more sexual than emotional. I believe the old term was "dating" or "playing the field."

Soft swap: Usually anything from watching another couple have sex to oral sex, but stopping short of penetration ("full swap"). This is a way for those with jealousy issues to experience group sex in a safe and comfortable way.

Swinging: Generally refers to organized sexual activities like clubs, house or hotel parties, or couples and singles meeting one another through sites like Swing Life Style (SLS). While some couples do develop strong bonds or friendships both in and outside the bedroom, swingers balance any lack of real intimacy with outside partners with sexual fun and a minimum of jealousy (though we often see ads complaining about couples where one half is doing it for the other, or where there are unresolved drama issues).

Triad: A threesome, sometimes just for sex, but usually an LTR. Who here remembers the Jefferson Airplane song or its FMF version by David Crosby of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young?

Trios: Usually a threesome for sex. In addition to the mixed gender trios cited above (MFM, FFM, MFF, etc.), there are homosexual varieties, too (MMM, FFF).

Unicorn: A bisexual single female, also called an HBB ("hot bi babe"). This is the Holy Grail of most swingers and polys, with many couples seeking that "special woman" who will "make our family complete." Not to be confused with "sister wife," a term from polygamy. While single females willing to play with couples do exist, they are extremely rare in my experience, and are usually married women hoping to entice someone into the marriage bed, as in "my husband only plays if we both agree." Uh-huh.

Vee or V: There are other letters in the poly lexicon, such as "N" (four people in two interlocking Vees), but the "Vee" is the foundation for non-monogamous links. It's a three-way relationship where one individual (the "pivot point") is intimately involved with the other two, while they generally do not interact (in that case, it would be a triad). Ironically, when I first broached the topic of polyamory to C. it was a V I thought I wanted. Now, I would rather she were the pivot point in a V with someone else (NSA or otherwise). Funny how we start out wanting one thing and end up desiring something quite different....

Versatile: A term I haven't actually seen used in years, but referring to a bisexual (female, mostly).

Water sports: Mostly sex play involving peeing, but sometimes used to cover any scatological play. Yes, Virginia, there ARE folks who like to relieve themselves as part of sex, including some who will drink the by-product of the play. Hey, whatever gets you through the night, but I'll take a beer myself.




Tia Sweets
My 1st split - hope it works for you -love and care,

your Milfette

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